Gay bar!

Yeah. At friday I was at my first gay bar, Elsker in Oslo. It was a new kind of experience. We arrived quite early in the evening, so there were really few people there. And Elsker is kind of most known as a shack where lesbians hang out. I went with my best friend, and her date. It was ok. Not that cool really. But, again, it was because of our way to early arival. Had we been older, we could have stayed longer.

Hope you all are doing fine!

Regine Stokke

Yesterday, an Idol of mine past away. Her name was Regine Stokke, and she was extremely ill, and has been for a while. She passed away only 18 years old.

She was, and still are, an inspiration to me. The way she stood up, and fought like a hero, truly amazing. I don’t really know if I could do the same in her place. Then again, she has helped me realize how lucky I am, for being well, having a big, loving family and a lot of wonderful friends whom support me no matter what.

The way she has inspired the whole blogging community in Norway, is truly amazing.  The way Regine, and her friends raised over 300.000 norwegian kroners to support a organisation fighting cancer, is amazing. And she managed to do it, while fighting of one of our worlds most aggresive deseases.

I hope her stay in heaven will be a pleasant one. Rest in peace, you truly amazing girl. You will be remembered, missed and praised.

Hi Everyone!

It’s nice to see that so many people are visiting my blog, but why not leave a comment, a question or just a sign of greeting?

There isn’t much to tell you right now, other than the fact that I’m kind of in love with this guy I met online about a year ago. He’s from far away though, and the distance is killing me. I’d so love to just curl up in his arms every night, and I just know I’ll feel so safe in his arms. I don’t really know why though.

He is a couple of years older than me, and that’s kind of nice, cause I like them a little older. He has this wonderful smile, a fucking amazing personality and Oh My God, his eyes. Don’t even get me started on his eyes. They’re just magical. I think he could melt pure gold with them if he wanted to.

Victor, the swedish hottie.

Anyways. I need to tell you all just how my life is right about now. I’m in the middle of Christmas finals, and not looking forward till tomorrow. We have a Norwegian-pedagogical exam about literature and identity. I think I’m going to fail. I IZ FAIL. But if I do fail, I think I’ll move back home to mom and dad, and try to find myself a job, and then go on with a Gap Year, at a folkehøgskole. I want to become a singer. That’s my biggest dream at the moment. And not to forget, to get to perform alongside Maria Mena at one of her concerts. That would be freaking awesome.

Well.. I need to hit the books one more time. Love you all for reading my blog! And I promise I’ll blog more frequently from now on! (Or at least I’ll try to!)

Things.

Yeah, so... I'm back again for another post.

I left my story of with telling my brother about me being gay over texts. He was on his way back home, from Oslo, to moms and dads. When he came back home, he told me he wantet to talk about the text, but he didn't have the time at the moment, so he we had to talk a couple of days later.

When we spoke again, he asked me if this was something I was sure about. "Yes, I am! I've known for quite a while, I've just never felt ready to tell anyone yett, but now I am, I guess." Then he asked me if I'd ever had a boyfriend, if I've ever had sex and so on. "I've never had a boyfriend, and I've had sex a couple of times, once with a girl, and once with a guy." Then I asked him if he'd ever done anything with a guy. He got really embaressed, and blushed from head to toe. "I haven't," he told me, "and I've never felt the need either." After that we've never really spoken about it again, and to be honnest, thats really ok.

A short update!

It's been a while since my last post, and for that I'm really sorry. I've had a bad case of migrane the last couple of days, and I've had shitloads of school asignments to do. And this will be just a short litte update.

I got my first comment a couple of days ago. And you who commented wondered if my mother got really sad or if she got mad. She got really sad, and she stayed that way for quite a while. But she's all better now, thank God.

I think I'll tell you about my first big love. His name was Joacim. He was never interested in me, and he'll never be, cause he's straight. But thats OK.

It all started back in my first year in High School. School had lasted about a month, when the teachers told us we had a new student in our class. He was a dancer, and I myself was a singer, so we had quite few hours together. Only Math, choir and dance, about 9 hours a week all together. We started of talking a lot, or, not a lot, but mostly about him, me and his twin brother, who were also in our class. For me it evolved into something more than just friendship.

I think you all know the feeling. The one who involves butterflies in your stomack, and a short throb in you heart ever time you se this special someone. I think I were in love with him for about 3 months without letting anyone know. I told a friend of mine in January, and I told him in March.

Most of my friends took it quite well, someone even clamed they knew, and just waited for me to realise it myself. That I was gay, that is. If you haven't gotten it yett, this is how I came out to all of my friends at school.

Joacim took it quite bad. Since he wasn't gay, he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. A stolker kind of friend of his got the hold of my IM adress, and started threatening me. He said things like "Joacim is mine" and "If you ever speak to him again, I'll kick your ass" and so on. I felt really scared, and since noone in my family knew about me being gay, I had noone to share it with. So, what I did next, I still feel kind of ashamed about. I came out to my brother by texts.

The worsth way, if you ask me.

To be continued.

P.S.
I'm sorry about the poor structure in all of my posts, since they're not following a timeline. I just write as the memories come back to me.

Jo.

I'm coming home today.

has been the longest day in months! I've got nothing done, and I just feel bad. Oh'well.


Well. Where were we? I was telling you all about my coming out story, right? I think it's time I told you about how I told my mother about me being gay. It was a wonderfull summers day, my mother was picking me up from work, (this is about a year and 3 months ago) and I kind of just felt like telling her.

I didn't quite know how to tell her, so I just jumped in. First, I steared the conversation over to the people from school who called me a fag, the people whom harrased me. And she didn't understand why anyone would tell other people those things, cause there is no shame in being gay. So I told her, "Mom.. There is no easy way to tell you this, but.. I'm gay." A long silence followed.. "Oh.... Are you shure?" my mother asked me. "Would I've told you if it weren't?" I replied. "No, I guess not."

Then she cried, and then we went out of the car. There isn't much more to tell you about that happening, to be honnest. By the way, I came out to my brother over texts. At the time it felt right, now it just feels rotten. But, I can't turn back time. Noone can.

Just thinking.

I'm sitting in my room, it's totaly dark. Suddenly it hits me. I need a boyfriend. At least, I'd love to have one. But where can I find such a guy? A guy that is kind, caring, loving, and empatich? I need a guy that can se me for who I really am, not some guy who's just about one thing - getting laid. Those there are plenty of. Where is my Prince Charming?

Anyways...

I'm working on this huge school project right now, and I don't really feel like writing a long post for you guys this time. I'll write more soon, Cross my heart!