Things.

Yeah, so... I'm back again for another post.

I left my story of with telling my brother about me being gay over texts. He was on his way back home, from Oslo, to moms and dads. When he came back home, he told me he wantet to talk about the text, but he didn't have the time at the moment, so he we had to talk a couple of days later.

When we spoke again, he asked me if this was something I was sure about. "Yes, I am! I've known for quite a while, I've just never felt ready to tell anyone yett, but now I am, I guess." Then he asked me if I'd ever had a boyfriend, if I've ever had sex and so on. "I've never had a boyfriend, and I've had sex a couple of times, once with a girl, and once with a guy." Then I asked him if he'd ever done anything with a guy. He got really embaressed, and blushed from head to toe. "I haven't," he told me, "and I've never felt the need either." After that we've never really spoken about it again, and to be honnest, thats really ok.

A short update!

It's been a while since my last post, and for that I'm really sorry. I've had a bad case of migrane the last couple of days, and I've had shitloads of school asignments to do. And this will be just a short litte update.

I got my first comment a couple of days ago. And you who commented wondered if my mother got really sad or if she got mad. She got really sad, and she stayed that way for quite a while. But she's all better now, thank God.

I think I'll tell you about my first big love. His name was Joacim. He was never interested in me, and he'll never be, cause he's straight. But thats OK.

It all started back in my first year in High School. School had lasted about a month, when the teachers told us we had a new student in our class. He was a dancer, and I myself was a singer, so we had quite few hours together. Only Math, choir and dance, about 9 hours a week all together. We started of talking a lot, or, not a lot, but mostly about him, me and his twin brother, who were also in our class. For me it evolved into something more than just friendship.

I think you all know the feeling. The one who involves butterflies in your stomack, and a short throb in you heart ever time you se this special someone. I think I were in love with him for about 3 months without letting anyone know. I told a friend of mine in January, and I told him in March.

Most of my friends took it quite well, someone even clamed they knew, and just waited for me to realise it myself. That I was gay, that is. If you haven't gotten it yett, this is how I came out to all of my friends at school.

Joacim took it quite bad. Since he wasn't gay, he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. A stolker kind of friend of his got the hold of my IM adress, and started threatening me. He said things like "Joacim is mine" and "If you ever speak to him again, I'll kick your ass" and so on. I felt really scared, and since noone in my family knew about me being gay, I had noone to share it with. So, what I did next, I still feel kind of ashamed about. I came out to my brother by texts.

The worsth way, if you ask me.

To be continued.

P.S.
I'm sorry about the poor structure in all of my posts, since they're not following a timeline. I just write as the memories come back to me.

Jo.

I'm coming home today.

has been the longest day in months! I've got nothing done, and I just feel bad. Oh'well.


Well. Where were we? I was telling you all about my coming out story, right? I think it's time I told you about how I told my mother about me being gay. It was a wonderfull summers day, my mother was picking me up from work, (this is about a year and 3 months ago) and I kind of just felt like telling her.

I didn't quite know how to tell her, so I just jumped in. First, I steared the conversation over to the people from school who called me a fag, the people whom harrased me. And she didn't understand why anyone would tell other people those things, cause there is no shame in being gay. So I told her, "Mom.. There is no easy way to tell you this, but.. I'm gay." A long silence followed.. "Oh.... Are you shure?" my mother asked me. "Would I've told you if it weren't?" I replied. "No, I guess not."

Then she cried, and then we went out of the car. There isn't much more to tell you about that happening, to be honnest. By the way, I came out to my brother over texts. At the time it felt right, now it just feels rotten. But, I can't turn back time. Noone can.

Just thinking.

I'm sitting in my room, it's totaly dark. Suddenly it hits me. I need a boyfriend. At least, I'd love to have one. But where can I find such a guy? A guy that is kind, caring, loving, and empatich? I need a guy that can se me for who I really am, not some guy who's just about one thing - getting laid. Those there are plenty of. Where is my Prince Charming?

Anyways...

I'm working on this huge school project right now, and I don't really feel like writing a long post for you guys this time. I'll write more soon, Cross my heart!

Growing up

Growing up, I always knew there were something different about me. I think I allways knew I was gay, or at least kind of. I didn't start liking boys that way before in Jr. High,but thats an other story.

I was never the popular child in school. To be honnest, I was kind of a victim of harrasing when I was younger. I've always been a chubby kid, and people just se you for your exterior, and not what you have on your inside, and so they teased me, and it turned into harrasing, with phonecalls and treats. But I dealed with it somehow, and I kind of like to think that I grew on the whole experience. I have a much thicker skin now, and I don't really care what people say.

I think it has to be that way for me to survive.

Some of my story

As I think you all know, I'm a gay teenager. It's not the hardest thing on earth, all though it sometimes feels like it. It's hard to never be your self around your own parents, your own family.

Just the other day my grandmother asked me "So, is there any special girl in your life?" I just answerd "I have plenty of friends that are girls, but I don't have a girlfriend, if thats what your asking, no." It's just so irritating. I know I'm bitching right now, but I need to get my frustration out somehow, or I'll go crazy.

But over to my real story.

I was teased a lot at jr. high. They all called me Fag, and that even before I myself was even certan myself. It was hard being teased for something that I felt wasn't really true. I had feelings for this guy in my class, but I didn't come to realise it wasn't normal behavior for a straight teenager before I started High School, three years after my first crush.

When we started High School, I met this boy. I thought he was gay, just like me, so I came out to him. He weren't. We didn't talk for about half a year. But now we're better friends than ever. And I have a feeling he might be just a little more gay than he'd like to admit. I don't really know, but I think it might be a fact.

I have a lot of understanding friends. Some are dykes on bikes, some are straight girls, I have a few sparkling fags and some straight guyfriends. They accept me for who I am, and I do the same towards them. I love my friends, almost more than life itself.

I hope you all are doing great, I am! Just a little flue going on, and no, its not the swineflue.

Going to bed!

xoxo, Jo.

Introductions

Hi, and welcome to my new blog!

My name is Jo. I’m a 19-year-old boy from Norway. I come from the countryside, but surprisingly enough I’m a big city kind of person. I thing we need cultural and social variety in our life’s, or we’ll never move forward with our personalities.


I like to sing, to sit on my computer and write both music, and other stuff, and to hang with my friends. I love animals, and I dream of on day having a huge family, with plenty of kids. Pretty normal things, I guess.

I’m in school, college, getting some education, so that one day in the not so far of future, I’ll become a teacher. I love to teach. Nothing, except maybe standing on a stage and sing my own songs, is more giving to me, than teaching.

Now you know a little about me. There is one thing though, that not to many people know about, that I don't really know if I want them to know. Since this is an English blogg, and my family isn't to keen on English, I don't really think they'll found out. To me it is a really personal thing. If you haven't already found out my big secret, I’ll tell you, it’s the fact that I’m gay. I'm not ashamed or anything, even though it might seem like it. It's just that I don't really se why other people should care so much about what I do in my bedroom, and with whom, for that matter.

I’m in the closet, yes. I’m not a brave person. I don’t want my father, whom hate “homos and fags”, to hate me too. I need my family. And my friends. I love my friends. And my family, I think…
Well. It's time to become even more personal. I've never had a boyfriend. I've been in love, truthfully in love, but it was never returned. The boy wasn't to keen on other boys, to be honnest. And I think that's one of my biggest problems. I allways fall for the straight guy. I think I do so because it makes the rejections so much easyer. You know you'll never have anyone anyway, so why not just fall for someone that will never ever in a million years be interested. It'll make the let downs much easyer.

Got to go now!

Until next time, I bid you all farewell. And enjoy those mondays everyone!